A Vipassana Tale and my 10 Days of Silence
In early September 2024, my brother shared a LinkedIn post about a CEO who had done something insane: a 10-day silent meditation retreat called Vipassana. No phones, no talking, no reading, no journaling – basically, solitary confinement. I started researching and discovered that these courses were donation-based. No upfront payment, just "pay what you want" after you've completed the retreat. I wasn't sure what the catch was, but I knew I had to try it sometime. I didn’t realize then how soon I would be attending a Vipassana retreat.
Vipassana: A Beginner's Guide
Vipassana is the main meditation technique you learn, but I didn't realize there would be three different stages:
Anapana (Days 1-3): Breathe In, Breathe Out, Repeat
For the first three days, you practice Anapana, which involves observing your breath like a hawk, specifically in the triangle around your nose and upper lip. The goal is to sharpen your attention and train your concentration.
Vipassana (Days 4-9): Body Scan
On Day 4, the real fun begins. Vipassana is a body scanning technique where you move your attention from head to toe, becoming increasingly aware of every sensation, without reacting. The instructions change daily as you develop your awareness and equanimity.
Metta (Day 10): Sharing Love and Peace
On Day 10, you finally get to share the peace you've cultivated by practicing Metta, or loving-kindness meditation. Basically, you wish everyone well. It's a nice way to end the retreat.
The Legacy of Goenka: Bringing Vipassana to the World
Every evening, we watched hour-long video lectures by S.N. Goenka, the man who brought Vipassana to the masses. He was a Burmese businessman-turned-meditation guru who opened over 150 Vipassana centers worldwide. Goenka died in 2013, but he recorded these lectures in the 90s.
The Why Behind the What
The core idea behind Vipassana is that our suffering comes from craving things we don't have and hating things we do have, and all emotions start in the body. But we often miss these sensations because we're too busy overthinking. And with Vipassana, we’re becoming more aware of these sensations. By mastering awareness and equanimity, you learn to ride the waves of life without getting swept away by every emotion.
No matter how pleasant or unpleasant the sensation is, you're just observing it, not reacting to it. This is equanimity.
Vipassana helps you develop the awareness and equanimity you need to navigate the ups and downs of life without getting swept away by every emotion. It's like building a mental shield against the daily onslaught of stress and anxiety.
A Vipassana Journey from Burnout to Inner Peace
In late October 2024, my life was becoming increasingly stressful. I was firing on all cylinders at work, my personal life was a little messy, and I was basically fueled by stress and coffee. In a desperate attempt to regain my sanity, I reconnected with my spiritual side, hit the gym, started meditating, listening to Ho'oponopono and gratitude affirmation videos, and manifesting. Within a week, I felt much better but craved a deeper transformation. That's when the idea of a Vipassana retreat popped into my head. I'm a pretty spontaneous person, so I trusted my heart and in early November, I signed up for the wait-list for the December 18-29 session in Massachusetts, Idaho, and California. I was optimistic that I’d get off the wait-list at one of these locations. Plus, December is usually a slower month at work, so the timing seemed perfect.
The Retreat Begins: Ten Days of Noble Silence
In early December, I was notified that I was accepted to the Shelburne (Massachusetts) center’s 10-day Vipassana retreat! They even organized a shuttle from Penn Station for $350. On December 18th, I said goodbye to my phone, my journal, and my connection to the outside world. Right before handing over my phone, a friend texted me to "get out of there" because she thought it might be a cult. I reassured her (and myself) that I'd be fine.
Arriving at the center felt a bit like going back to college. I was assigned a private room with a bathroom, which was a relief. But as I settled into my room, a wave of loneliness hit me. It suddenly dawned on me that I wouldn't have any contact with the outside world for ten whole days.
After a light but delicious dinner (and I have to say, the food throughout the course was surprisingly good!) at 6 pm, we had a rundown of the rules: noble silence, meaning no talking or any form of communication with other participants, no eye contact, and no escaping the premises.
We gathered in the meditation hall for our first session at 8 pm. This is where we were introduced to Anapana, the foundation of Vipassana. Diego, the men’s teacher, guided us to sit comfortably, close our eyes, and turn our attention to the breath flowing in and out of our nostrils. He explained that the goal was to simply observe the breath, without trying to control it, and to notice the subtle sensations around the nose and upper lip as we breathed.
Easier said than done, I quickly discovered. My mind, used to constant stimulation, rebelled against this stillness. I was replaying memories from the past, analyzing old conversations and decisions, and then, in the next moment, I'd be planning for the future, strategizing and worrying about things that hadn't even happened yet. It was exhausting! Plus, my legs went numb, my back ached, and I felt a growing sense of frustration. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Days 2-4: Embracing the Routine: Early Mornings and Mind Battles
The 4 am gong became the official start to each day. However, I also set my own alarm for 3:55 am, just to be safe. Every morning, I'd rise and head to the meditation hall for the optional 4:30-6:30 am session. Despite the early hour, the hall was always packed. It seemed everyone was determined to make the most of this retreat.
After those two hours of intense focus (or, let's be honest, attempted focus), breakfast was a welcome reward. And let me tell you, that oatmeal with prunes, flax seeds, and a dollop of yogurt was a lifesaver. Paired with a banana, an apple, and a strong cup of coffee, it was the perfect fuel for a day of meditation. I'm not sure if it was the simplicity of the food or the lack of other distractions, but those breakfasts were surprisingly satisfying.
The rest of the morning was a blur of meditation sessions, battling my own thoughts, and trying to find a comfortable sitting position. My mind was still a whirlwind, replaying memories and planning for the future, but I was starting to notice those patterns more quickly. I was also grateful for the five-minute breaks between sessions, which allowed me to stretch my legs and appreciate the solitude of my little room.
Days 4-9: From Anapana to Vipassana: Expanding Awareness
Something interesting happened on Day 4. I started to appreciate the benefits of this forced digital detox. I'm usually glued to my phone, a slave to every notification and ping. But here, with no distractions, I had so much more time.
And it wasn't just the external world that was coming into focus. I was also starting to get the hang of Anapana. I was becoming more aware of subtle sensations – tingling, itching, even a sense of energy flowing through my body. It was fascinating. I was still getting distracted, of course, but I was able to bring my focus back to my breath more quickly.
During the afternoon group meditation, we were told we'd be learning the Vipassana technique that evening. I was excited, even though they had mentioned this at the beginning. That evening, Goenka's recorded lecture introduced us to Vipassana. It's essentially a body scanning technique where you move your attention from head to toe, becoming aware of all the sensations without reacting to them. Anapana was like a warm-up, focusing on just the area around the nose. Vipassana was the real deal, applying that same focus to the entire body.
We practiced Vipassana for 30 minutes, and it was mind-blowing. I felt tingling on my scalp, a warmth in my chest, a subtle vibration in my fingertips. There were areas where I couldn't feel anything at first, but as I focused, sensations started to emerge. This is when the whole retreat clicked for me.
Over the course of days 5 through 9, we continued practicing Vipassana, which I continued to get the hang of.
Day 10: Breaking the Silence
Day 10 arrived, and it was time to break the silence. After nine days of intense introspection, the prospect of interacting with others felt strangely daunting. As an introvert, I had grown accustomed to the solitude, and the sudden shift back to social interaction was jarring.
Goenka had prepared us for this transition, describing Day 10 as a "soothing balm" to ease us back into the real world. He encouraged us to connect with our fellow meditators and share our experiences. Hesitantly, I ventured out of my room and into the hall.
The sudden burst of voices and laughter was startling. It was surreal to witness people animatedly chatting, their faces alight with connection. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I retreated to the sanctuary of my room for a few more minutes. Alone again, I was overcome with gratitude for this unique experience. It had been challenging but profoundly impactful.
The meditations continued as per the timetable, but now, with the freedom to speak outside the meditation hall. I was also proud of myself for finally managing to sit for an entire hour during the morning meditation without fidgeting. It felt like a small victory after days of battling restlessness.
The day continued with talks about the importance of serving and giving back to the Vipassana community, not just financially, but also by volunteering for future courses. I also learned that the Shelburne center was the very first Vipassana center to be established in the US. Goenka emphasized the importance of cultivating happiness and peace, both for ourselves and for all beings. We ended the day with Metta, a loving-kindness meditation. We were guided to send out good vibes and caring intentions, to forgive those who had hurt us, to seek forgiveness from those we may have harmed, and to wish for the liberation, peace, and happiness of all beings.
Day 11: Saying Goodbye
I woke up at 3:50 am and got ready for the final meditation session.
A sense of gratitude washed over me. This retreat had been challenging, surprising, and ultimately transformative. I left Shelburne feeling calmer, more grounded, and more connected to myself. And while I was ready to return to the "real world," I knew I would carry the lessons of Vipassana with me, a reminder to embrace the present moment and observe the ebb and flow of life with equanimity.
On the shuttle ride back, I spoke a lot more with Yasha to discuss our experiences and was surprised to learn that this was his 4th Vipassana retreat. Yasha is a Brooklyn native so I also got a lot of NYC recommendations and plan to stay in touch with him.
Lessons from Vipassana: More Than Just a Meditation Technique
Vipassana is a powerful tool for self-awareness. I learned how my mind tries to escape discomfort and how I avoid pain. I also realized that all feelings are temporary, even the unpleasant ones. This was a comforting thought. I also reconnected with my body and learned to appreciate subtle sensations. It was a small but significant victory.
Conclusion
Vipassana was a challenging but rewarding experience. It's not for everyone, but if you're looking for a way to deepen your self-awareness and gain mastery over your mind, I highly recommend it. Just be prepared for early mornings and a lot of silence.
Inspiring!